Horror Stories

My husband and I recently went shopping for our kids for Christmas because I will do almost anything to avoid spending large amounts of time in any store around The Holidays. As we wandered down the aisles that had just recently been revamped to show off every new awesomest Christmas toy ever, I found myself remembering Christmases of long ago and reminiscing about the types of things that I used to get as a child. I can guarantee you, my parents never once considered buying me a laptop.

I, however, am not only considering it but will most likely go pick one up either before Christmas or before X-Ray's birthday in March.

He'll be 5.

Now, of course, this laptop is super-kid-friendly with fun games about letters and numbers and shapes (and how to have a career in NASA by the time you're 12, if I have any kind of luck). So really, I'm technically just getting him a toy. Kind of.

See, the reason this is significant for me is because every old person has the you-think-you've-got-it-bad-now stories from the time of the dinosaurs when everyone walked 10 miles to school up hill in both directions in six feet of snow and no shoes. My stories, however, will be different.

"Hey, don't be complaining! I remember when you had to wait TEN MINUTES for the Internet to connect! And every time you went to a different site!"

"Back in my day, we listened to music on CD's that spun around in a little machine! And if you tipped it? You're song started over!!"

"When I was in school, we did all of our assignments on PAPER!"

You can bet that they'll be horrified.

I see the future coming. My kids already hate commercials (Netflix), expect to be able to watch trains whenever they want (YouTube) and will never understand how we could possibly have used phones that connected to the wall. They will never have to buy batteries because everything will be rechargeable (which is so not fair. If I have to buy stock in Duracell to supply batteries for every Christmas toy that exists, why do they get out of it?). Their entire library will be available by the touch of a finger on their super-thin-water-resistant-internet-connected e-reader. They'll have hover cars!*

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go bathe my kids with real soap and water and read them a book with actual pages before I turn off their bedroom light with my hand.


*This is possibly a future that I am really, really, really, really hoping for...